My own little silence

there is a monster
inside of you
tearing you in two
with no regret
with a life that is set
unknowing i am going
to destroy his world
and tear him in two

broken promises
and broken backs
justice found
with baseball bats
rolled quarters
in clenching fists
swinging away
i know they won't miss

a bloody mess
stains your floor
and soaks my hands
breathing heavy
i am ashamed
knowing he deserved
so much more
blistering pain

digging a hole is
the last thing
i will ever do for you
six foot deep
toss you in
barley alive
then let the ground
swallow you up

i know what i have done
something inside me
snapped in two
and i know what it was
destruction of him
was all i knew yet still
it is all that consumes
tearing me in two

out i came
and it was "yes"
love in a rush
a fight against all
the mortal enemy
the thief of happiness
so i hold you
and push on
towards a place
where you do not exist
and we can live forever
forever together
you said "yes"
so forever it will be
forgetting
that there was ever time
i asked will you marry me?
and you said "yes"
you wear your ring
that shall last forever
like our love
as i find the one thing
the thing that finally beats time
you said "yes"

accomplishments seem empty
as i crawl into a purple gown
and put on the silly hat
they will all tear up
and i feel nothing
will i become exited
but about what?
is there really that much more freedom coming to me?
is it really that great to grow up?
i do not know
they will call my name
i will have to wait so long
with a last name in the P's
and i will walk up shake with the right
and take my paper with the left
stop and pose for the camera
then walk down and realize that nothing really happened
i am still the same

the sting of the sun
messing with my eyes
all is seen as green
that must be the problem in business
the lights are too bright
so all is seen as green

dry eyes
waiting for a call
from his girl
for a late night talk
his favorite part of the day
his life has changed
even the silence is comforting
as her breath vibrates on the phone
and his whiskers scratch the phone
creating a homely buzz
then her voice
full of laughter
his favorite noise
as all his worries drift away
deep in innocence
his eyes no longer dry
he matches her
"i love you"
neither hangs up
a light pause
they both listen for the click
this is young love

so afraid to say what i want to say
i think
fuck you
and fuck your fears
you all cry about shitty dreams
or is it shitty lives?

so i wonder what is next, what is there to do
never again
no need to talk
go find new people
repeat the same cycle over again
or does it have an end?

i am dead
at least my mind
i wander in the darkness
of nothingness
you fill my mind
yet you are something
was i just nothing
deep words of a shallow heart?
i wondered if i could feel
yet still filled
i am still so empty
and lonely inside
so off with this head
decapitation
as the lights go out
i will hold your hand
when i am alone
i will hold my own
as part of me hits the ground
a body set free of dead weight

shuffling my feet
traveling in circles
drifting farther away
leaving aquatints i once called friends
hoping that they will soon become friends
i used to be the on of the odd men out
now complete i am satisfied
with a new fear of the world
and an unknown braveness i challenge it
as i slowly expand my circle
until i walk around the world

distant in my mind
as distant as my thoughts
i wander to and fro
yearning for coherent thoughts
all i know is happiness
so i shall search no more
and hope it last forever
i wish it never end
and now it cascades
three little syllables

the girl jumps her rope
in the shadows a dark man
realising to the the beat
tap...tap...tap
the plastic rope hits the ground
laughter fills the air
along with a smell of sin
coming from the bushes
he rushes out when it is not enough
now there are only tears
and a new beat for the man to get off on

thinking about thinking
drawing a blank in my mind
wishing i could draw
when i do people don't know what to think

haha wrote this in pig

outta cash
lets make that mad dash
into the store
you ask; what for?
a slap to the face
you're slowing down my pace
lets get some beers
let go of those fears
while we at it get some eats
without being beat
take down the man
destroy the every day blan
lets steal some shit
so i can get one more hit

i want to write something beautiful
i want it to be just for you
i want you to be just for me
i want happiness
i want success
i want happy brilliant children
i want to grow old with you at my side
i want many things, but most of all
i want to tell you everything i feel

holding hands in their mind
afraid to touch
afraid to feel
it might become too real
the fantasy of their minds
so great and spectacular
will reality shoot it down
down like so many other dreams
this is what they feared
so they stare
and laugh
talk safely with miles between them
one day they will reach out
one day or another
but they are afraid
afraid that it will change
afraid that they would never change
and forever
be afraid
forever separate
from the ones they love
mostly from each other

free of inspiration
let go from my pain
i rest my head
i used to think many things
one; that i was better off dead
cherish life for what it is worth
stop looking where people tell you to
look ahead
search behind you
find what is on the sides
look where you choose
do what you know is right
money counts
happiness may not
figure that one out
with this
i am done.

hanging from my rope
with the wind
i sway
like a child on a swing
will you push me?
take my chair
let me go
swing freely in the air
hang forever
never to fall
my rope will hold
and so will its anchor
let the anchor hold
do you see?
just look at me
swaying in the wind
take my picture
with me and my only hope
with me and my rope

silent snipers
cupids lurk closely
should i fear?
they take aim
i run
i spotted a sniper
they become just another person
just one with a gun
shocked at the human creature
it was just a myth
my blood rushes
my face
red
and i shoot back

fluidly i sink
under gases
pushing me down
pressurized
i compact at the bottom
stressed out
my canister is about to burst
with a shake it becomes worse
then sweet release
i burst onto the ground
and into your hands
swallow me up
i am american nectar

with nothing to do
and everything to say
i sit alone
like always
my lungs on fire from holding it in
i want to burst in joy
bit by bit
it escapes me
i realize
it is almost gone
soon all i have left will be tears
and empty feelings
proud of my mistakes
and proud of myself
i will never be the one to shout out loud
i speak with words
but not with my mouth

against a wall
i am not seen
a boy paints a target onto the wall
but the paint landed on my
no i am seen
red paint ruined my stealth
onlookers stone me
as i cry out in pain
i have lost my personality
lost everything i am
well it is who i was
now i am just like you
and it is not much better